the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
