his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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