he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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