I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
