just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
