You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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