I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
