Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
