i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
