I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
