this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
