I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
