My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
