I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
