guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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