Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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