BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
