If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
