Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
