paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That's when you crack a 10am beer
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
