Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
