You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
