i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
