im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've blown a few things in my day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
