bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
