I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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