there's paper in my vomit.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
