Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
