Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
