thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
