Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
