hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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