i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize