you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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