Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
