I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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