she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
