God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
