I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
