"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
