I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
NoShamevember. You game?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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