Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
