I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
