Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
