I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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