hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
