I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What a dumb baby whore.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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