He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
