saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
