Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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