I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize