We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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