Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
