My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
