i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
