DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
