I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
