the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
