I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
