Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
