I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
