Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
