Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
