just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
