2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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