it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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