sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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