I will die if light touches me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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