Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
