Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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