Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
