you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
