You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
