Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
