You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
