He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
