We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
